The one thing I promised myself when I got back into this, is that no matter what happened, I would be real about my experience. So, here’s me being real: I’m failing.

While sending the check off to Free Arts was a great feeling, hoping that our small, collective effort could help, the time lapse has yielded nothing good in terms of my weight. I feel my body changing, and it sickens me. Now, I’ve always been content with who I am, and have mostly been able to carry out my life with a decent dose of confidence, but I’m feeling the great effect of doing nothing.

I’d like to get started with the next fund raiser, and in fact, I’ve got a really unique, small foundation that I have some ties to that I think is very deserving. However, in order for me to pick up where I left off, I need to lose weight.

Yes, you read correctly. I gained weight back. I suck.

I have, however, started running again, though after a few weeks, I managed to find myself in a rut. I am not much of a morning person, so I’ve not been getting runs in. It’s getting way too hot out there…and I need to find away to get up early and get motivated again.

I’m not going to tell you how much I’ve gained back (it’s not much), but I need to get back to my magic number so we can start the dang fund raiser.

It’s time to stop failing.

Before I start my new project, I need some feedback. Here’s what I need you to do:

Go to http://fitlanthropist.com and tell me what you’d like to see. Give me pointers on what would make a good blog. Did I have enough fitness and wellness info? Do I need more on the charitable sector?  Anything…be honest with me.

Leave a comment for me AT THE FITLANTHROPIST and you’ll be entered to win a $15 iTunes gift card. There are only six comments so far! Plus, as a little incentive, if you tweet or recommend the site to friends via Facebook (or any other way where you can send me a link to show me) I’ll count that as another entry. This will be the first giveaway of what I hope will be many…I’ve got some cool things up my sleeve so stay tuned!

Granted, I’ve not been the best blogger in the world, but I’ve had good reason. However, I’ve now reached the candidacy stage of my PhD, so though I can’t rest easy (there is that dissertation to write), I can and I must devote more time to the blog. I have decided to keep Fat Guy because it’s all me. Mine. I can say whatever I want, how I want, when I want, etc, etc, etc. The Fitlanthropist on the other hand, though still devoted to health and wellness, is obviously a bit of a different machine. I do hope you’ll visit me over there, because it’s worth a good cause (at least I hope it is). In any case, I’m feeling good about getting back on track (I just have to do it in two places)!

Now, I have received a few questions, mainly, “Are you still going to be blogging at Fat Guy in A Little Coat?”

The answer, for now, is yes. Why? Because at minimum, I am averaging about 50 readers a day here…despite the fact that I just updated for the first time in months….I don’t know why, but I’m having a hard time letting go. I don’t consider Fitlanthropist selling out, I just look at it as a paradigm shift (well, sort of…you get the idea).

It’s true. Though I don’t have time or space to tell you (and surely you don’t have the time either), this year has been one that has challenged me in nearly every facet of my life. So, where have I been?  Certainly not here, and certainly not losing weight.

I have lost the battle…but the war goes on.

I would understand if people have written me off. I would understand if people have decided to stop following my progress (or lack, thereof). However, for the handful of you who have stuck it out with me: thank you. I hope you’ll follow me into a new phase of this journey of mine.

www.fitlanthropist.com

That is where you can find me now. I know the title is a little silly…basically just adding “fit” to “philanthropy.” But what a portmanteau, eh? So, surely you have a question or two about it.

Somewhere down the line, I lost my motivation. It happens. I’m not happy that it happened, considering my wife and son should be plenty for me to get motivated. But nevertheless, it happened. I have always been a proponent of charitable giving and service, so I thought to myself, “Why not go one more step and tack on some additional motivation?” So, beyond myself, my wife and my son, I am going to challenge myself to lose weight for charity. For every pound I lose, I will pay $1 (US) and solicit others to match my amount. That’s the crux of it, but you can read more about it here. It’s a work in progress, but I’ve got to start somewhere. And for those of you who are part of the Twitter craze, I’m here too: @fitlanthropist.

It’s time to transition. I’ve slipped, yes, but given up I have not. I look forward to catching up with you!

But because running has taken such a back seat lately, I figured getting back to a decent point where I feel like I can start running again is going to take some creativity. So, my wife and I are going to not only stick with Jillian Michaels…but we’ve also set up our Dance Dance Revolution again. We did it for about 20 minutes the other night and I was embarrassed at how much of a sweat I had broken due to such “little” work. But I guess it was something.

This is my last semester of coursework..and I’m really happy. Some of the most pressing struggles of my life have occurred in our first two years here, and of course, as my luck would have it, these things coincided with my classes. It’s been hard…especially listening to faculty criticize me (At one point, I would have written constructive criticism there, but they haven’t, save maybe a couple, been very constructive at all). I’m not one to use all of these struggles as a crutch or an excuse, but I should get used to the faculty 1) not caring about my personal life and 2) judging me exclusively on my academic work. I thought that the conferences, book chapters, book reviews, and papers under review might suggest I’m doing a half decent job…I mean, that’s what a professor does…it’s not like I’m going to be taking classes and worrying about stupid grades my entire life…but whatever. I’m not going to let that get me down. I do have people who think I’m doing a great job, and I have several external folks I’ve made connections with that also seem to like the progress I’m making and have a bit of an interest in my work. Maybe this department just takes a hardnosed beat-’em-into-the-ground approach. OK, then.

Bottom line is this: I’ve organized my committee, I have a dissertation topic and data, and a plan to enhance it. All I have to do is finish these next four weeks, study like crazy for comprehensive exams, pass the exams, defend a prospectus, and write and defend a dissertation. I have a plan. I will succeed. I’m tired of being made to feel as if I don’t belong here…but, guess what? I’m here, and I’m not leaving. The only way I leave is with my Ph.D..

However, I must incorporate a plan to improve my health, and I’m going to do it with the same zeal that has pushed me into my plan for finishing my degree.

These are battles I will not lose.

Well, as you may have assumed these first few weeks of monitoring my blood sugar has been interesting. I’ve been stable for the most part–a couple highs, a couple lows. I still haven’t gotten used to the finger pricking…

ME: Does it hurt?

NURSE: Oh, no. You can barely feel it, and if you do feel it, you get used to it.

ME: Well, okay, so I just press this in and then push the button against my finger like this and…OUCH!

In any case…I wish that nurse wasn’t a liar. My wife has been amazing at trying her best to ensure we eat the right foods, and I’m really grateful to her for that.

I’m also grateful to all of you who’ve been checking on on me. My blogging has taken a turn for the worse each semester and I continually get busier. I can only laugh when people assume that I (or ANY other doctoral student for that matter) has ample amounts of time to do whatever they want. Maybe some, but definitely not me. I am helping my major professor prepare a new edition of his book, writing a section of a teaching supplement for that book, working on a book chapter with him and another co-author, writing a book chapter of my own that’s due in a couple of weeks, submitting a couple of manuscripts to journals for reviews, working on several conference papers and starting to organize my data and model for my dissertation.

I’m busy.

So, I think in order to keep me motivated I’m going to have to make some changes. I don’t know what those changes would be off the top of my head, but change seems to help me focus on the big picture. My right knee has been bothering me for sometime so the running has more or less come to a halt. So, my good friend zapped a copy of Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred over to me. Jillian is about to become my new best friend, because seriously folks, I have to exercise. To break out of her monotony, I think it’s high time I bust out DDR a bit more, que no?

So, I’m curious?  What do the rest of you all do when your current exercise routine gets boring?  I mean I mostly run and ride a stationary bike. But I got rid of the bike (mostly for man related issues ) and my knee is bugging me.

Other than Jillian Michaels and DDR…any suggestions?

***

[Disclaimer: This is kind of a long and serious post.]

Most of you know that Holli and I have been into blogging for a decent amount of years now. I tend to be fascinated by anything electronic, and at one point in time had strong interests in researching the Internet as a means of advancing organizational goals for my Ph.D. I still do, just maybe not as much.

Anyway, I’m digressing already…

Very few of you are probably aware of another blog I’ve been keeping since last summer, and more than likely there is a reason for it. This blog has been one of my decision to have a healthy life, to lose weight, and to start running.

Yes, I am a fat guy who runs. And I love it.

In fact, I ran so much from July to October last year that I lost 30 pounds. Didn’t notice? That’s okay. I didn’t really either which was the depressing part. What I did notice is that I have gained half of it back. I even ran a 5K last year that I took third place in for my age group (and yes, there were more than three of us). I don’t know why it is that I’ve been captivated by running, but I enjoy it when I get the time, and I don’t intend on quitting any time soon.

Most of the people who read this blog and know me have known me as a fat guy. Let’s dispense with the subtleties of whether or not I’ll get offended and call it what it is. I am fat. I know this, and have known this for most of my adult life. The blog, which you can view HERE, is one of the mechanisms I’ve used to keep me motivated. But, sadly, my studies and my family require significant amounts of time, and so the degree to which I need to be held accountable must be augmented. I’ve let the blog slip a bit, and have had a hard time regaining momentum. So, I am letting all of you know that this blog exists, and am allowing you to come into what was previously a private endeavor.

I am doing this primarily for my health. Today I was informed by my doctor that recent blood tests showed an exceptionally high glucose level and that I more than likely have developed Type II diabetes. Obviously, this is not good news, but I can’t say that I am altogether too surprised. My mother’s side of the family is replete with cases of diabetes…though it seems as if I am the one who was the youngest to receive the diagnosis. And obviously, the fact that I weigh in well over what I should is not helping the situation any.

This is not for vindication by any means. Yes, I was harangued, teased, ostracized, and bullied by a few people growing up in my little “Town of Friendly Neighbors” and I remember the who, what, and when of it until this day. But, I have gone on to achieve many of my life goals–mainly finding an amazing wife, starting our family and obtaining my education–without letting it ruin me. So, this is not to get back at anyone. I once heard a general authority of my church give a talk in which he stated, “You can describe a man in inches, pounds, complexion, or physique. But you measure a man by character, compassion, integrity, tenderness and principle.” My principles tell me to forgive those who embarrassed me. They didn’t know any better. And moreover, I have the best set of family and friends I could ever ask for, so it should be of no bother to me now.

I really don’t know who reads this blog any more, other than the faithful readers who leave comments on a regular basis. I do know the power of diffusion though. I know that our blog is probably linked to several others thereby spreading the knowledge that it exists. There are those of you who have never left a comment, those of you who probably haven’t spoken to us in quite some time, those of you who might not know us, and frankly those of you who might not even like me (I couldn’t say ‘us’ there because, come on, who doesn’t like Holli or Rhys?). I am sure that now that I’ve divulged the fact that I have a fat blog out there, my friends, family, spiritual leaders, colleagues, co-workers, and stalkers (ha ha) will have access to it.

That’s fine by me.

Since I started the other blog, I have found people literally from all over the world who have been exceptionally supportive and encouraging. One of these new friends even sent me some CDs full of running songs and a pair of running socks to help keep me motivated. Amazing, right? If someone who is still somewhat of a stranger is willing to lend so much support, then why not share this blog with family and friends? They have been exceptionally supportive, and I hope you will too. If you don’t comment this blog, that’s fine, but I hope you’ll feel compelled to comment on my weight-loss blog. Invent a name if you have to.

Now, I’ll be honest in letting you know that I can be quite candid on the other blog. Granted, I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve in real life, but probably even more so on my weight-loss blog. This hasn’t been easy. It never has. But it’s something I have to do, and I hope the reasons why are as implicit to you as they are to me.

1. I am married to an absolutely wonderful woman and have a beautiful baby boy. Who am I trying to impress?

2. So what if people know about it. Maybe the blog could actually change some perceptions about how I treat my health.

3. Accountability. Did I mention that I’m currently engaged in a research project on public sector accountability? All of these issues I’ve been paying attention to in terms of state agency service delivery could literally be adapted to my own weight loss journey.

I have been showing strong signs of diabetes for months now, and though I have a family history of it, I don’t want to deal with it for the rest of my life. I’ll be headed back to my doctor soon for more blood work, and hopefully I can get a definitive answer.

So what? The rest of my family will find out, my other friends and colleagues might also find out. My religious leaders and potential employers could even find out.

I don’t care.

The time has come for my health to be priority number one. Wouldn’t everything in life be much better if my health was too?