I’m failing

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**Cross posted to fitlanthropist.com**


The one thing I promised myself when I got back into this, is that no matter what happened, I would be real about my experience. So, here’s me being real: I’m failing.

While sending the check off to Free Arts was a great feeling, hoping that our small, collective effort could help, the time lapse has yielded nothing good in terms of my weight. I feel my body changing, and it sickens me. Now, I’ve always been content with who I am, and have mostly been able to carry out my life with a decent dose of confidence, but I’m feeling the great effect of doing nothing.

I’d like to get started with the next fund raiser, and in fact, I’ve got a really unique, small foundation that I have some ties to that I think is very deserving. However, in order for me to pick up where I left off, I need to lose weight.

Yes, you read correctly. I gained weight back. I suck.

I have, however, started running again, though after a few weeks, I managed to find myself in a rut. I am not much of a morning person, so I’ve not been getting runs in. It’s getting way too hot out there…and I need to find away to get up early and get motivated again.

I’m not going to tell you how much I’ve gained back (it’s not much), but I need to get back to my magic number so we can start the dang fund raiser.

It’s time to stop failing.

I’ve made my decision…

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…and Fat Guy in a Little Coat stays!!

Granted, I’ve not been the best blogger in the world, but I’ve had good reason. However, I’ve now reached the candidacy stage of my PhD, so though I can’t rest easy (there is that dissertation to write), I can and I must devote more time to the blog. I have decided to keep Fat Guy because it’s all me. Mine. I can say whatever I want, how I want, when I want, etc, etc, etc. The Fitlanthropist on the other hand, though still devoted to health and wellness, is obviously a bit of a different machine. I do hope you’ll visit me over there, because it’s worth a good cause (at least I hope it is). In any case, I’m feeling good about getting back on track (I just have to do it in two places)!

Just in case you missed it…

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I have a new site: http://fitlanthropist.com.

Now, I have received a few questions, mainly, “Are you still going to be blogging at Fat Guy in A Little Coat?”

The answer, for now, is yes. Why? Because at minimum, I am averaging about 50 readers a day here…despite the fact that I just updated for the first time in months….I don’t know why, but I’m having a hard time letting go. I don’t consider Fitlanthropist selling out, I just look at it as a paradigm shift (well, sort of…you get the idea).

From FAILURE to CHANGE: A new beginning and a new site

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I would say that I have learned to fail more in the past year than any other period of my life.

It’s true. Though I don’t have time or space to tell you (and surely you don’t have the time either), this year has been one that has challenged me in nearly every facet of my life. So, where have I been?  Certainly not here, and certainly not losing weight.

I have lost the battle…but the war goes on.

I would understand if people have written me off. I would understand if people have decided to stop following my progress (or lack, thereof). However, for the handful of you who have stuck it out with me: thank you. I hope you’ll follow me into a new phase of this journey of mine.

www.fitlanthropist.com

That is where you can find me now. I know the title is a little silly…basically just adding “fit” to “philanthropy.” But what a portmanteau, eh? So, surely you have a question or two about it.

Somewhere down the line, I lost my motivation. It happens. I’m not happy that it happened, considering my wife and son should be plenty for me to get motivated. But nevertheless, it happened. I have always been a proponent of charitable giving and service, so I thought to myself, “Why not go one more step and tack on some additional motivation?” So, beyond myself, my wife and my son, I am going to challenge myself to lose weight for charity. For every pound I lose, I will pay $1 (US) and solicit others to match my amount. That’s the crux of it, but you can read more about it here. It’s a work in progress, but I’ve got to start somewhere. And for those of you who are part of the Twitter craze, I’m here too: @fitlanthropist.

It’s time to transition. I’ve slipped, yes, but given up I have not. I look forward to catching up with you!

I did it…everyone knows now…

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Here’s what I posted on my blog earlier…letting everyone know about FGiaLC…wish me luck!

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[Disclaimer: This is kind of a long and serious post.]

Most of you know that Holli and I have been into blogging for a decent amount of years now. I tend to be fascinated by anything electronic, and at one point in time had strong interests in researching the Internet as a means of advancing organizational goals for my Ph.D. I still do, just maybe not as much.

Anyway, I’m digressing already…

Very few of you are probably aware of another blog I’ve been keeping since last summer, and more than likely there is a reason for it. This blog has been one of my decision to have a healthy life, to lose weight, and to start running.

Yes, I am a fat guy who runs. And I love it.

rhys-3-weeks-old-and-johns-5k-037

In fact, I ran so much from July to October last year that I lost 30 pounds. Didn’t notice? That’s okay. I didn’t really either which was the depressing part. What I did notice is that I have gained half of it back. I even ran a 5K last year that I took third place in for my age group (and yes, there were more than three of us). I don’t know why it is that I’ve been captivated by running, but I enjoy it when I get the time, and I don’t intend on quitting any time soon.

Most of the people who read this blog and know me have known me as a fat guy. Let’s dispense with the subtleties of whether or not I’ll get offended and call it what it is. I am fat. I know this, and have known this for most of my adult life. The blog, which you can view HERE, is one of the mechanisms I’ve used to keep me motivated. But, sadly, my studies and my family require significant amounts of time, and so the degree to which I need to be held accountable must be augmented. I’ve let the blog slip a bit, and have had a hard time regaining momentum. So, I am letting all of you know that this blog exists, and am allowing you to come into what was previously a private endeavor.

I am doing this primarily for my health. Today I was informed by my doctor that recent blood tests showed an exceptionally high glucose level and that I more than likely have developed Type II diabetes. Obviously, this is not good news, but I can’t say that I am altogether too surprised. My mother’s side of the family is replete with cases of diabetes…though it seems as if I am the one who was the youngest to receive the diagnosis. And obviously, the fact that I weigh in well over what I should is not helping the situation any.

This is not for vindication by any means. Yes, I was harangued, teased, ostracized, and bullied by a few people growing up in my little “Town of Friendly Neighbors” and I remember the who, what, and when of it until this day. But, I have gone on to achieve many of my life goals–mainly finding an amazing wife, starting our family and obtaining my education–without letting it ruin me. So, this is not to get back at anyone. I once heard a general authority of my church give a talk in which he stated, “You can describe a man in inches, pounds, complexion, or physique. But you measure a man by character, compassion, integrity, tenderness and principle.” My principles tell me to forgive those who embarrassed me. They didn’t know any better. And moreover, I have the best set of family and friends I could ever ask for, so it should be of no bother to me now.

I really don’t know who reads this blog any more, other than the faithful readers who leave comments on a regular basis. I do know the power of diffusion though. I know that our blog is probably linked to several others thereby spreading the knowledge that it exists. There are those of you who have never left a comment, those of you who probably haven’t spoken to us in quite some time, those of you who might not know us, and frankly those of you who might not even like me (I couldn’t say ‘us’ there because, come on, who doesn’t like Holli or Rhys?). I am sure that now that I’ve divulged the fact that I have a fat blog out there, my friends, family, spiritual leaders, colleagues, co-workers, and stalkers (ha ha) will have access to it.

That’s fine by me.

Since I started the other blog, I have found people literally from all over the world who have been exceptionally supportive and encouraging. One of these new friends even sent me some CDs full of running songs and a pair of running socks to help keep me motivated. Amazing, right? If someone who is still somewhat of a stranger is willing to lend so much support, then why not share this blog with family and friends? They have been exceptionally supportive, and I hope you will too. If you don’t comment this blog, that’s fine, but I hope you’ll feel compelled to comment on my weight-loss blog. Invent a name if you have to.

Now, I’ll be honest in letting you know that I can be quite candid on the other blog. Granted, I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve in real life, but probably even more so on my weight-loss blog. This hasn’t been easy. It never has. But it’s something I have to do, and I hope the reasons why are as implicit to you as they are to me.

Time to go public?

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The title of this post makes me laugh a bit. First, because the questions sounds like I’m about to start selling shares of my (non-existent) company on the stock market, and secondly, because it’s the exact opposite of the question many of my “family blogger” friends ask in relation to the privacy of their blogs (Should I go private?).

Anyone who knows me knows I’m overwieght…er…obese (man, I hate that word). But, for the most part, most people I know are unaware of this blog. Those of you who’ve stayed with me over the past several months know that this isn’t the first time I’ve posed this question. I’ve asked myself the very same question after almost every post I write.

Then why don’t I do it already?

The biggest benefit I see to letting people know about the blog is accountability. Not in the sense that my professors are going to start asking me about how my weight loss is going, mind you, but in the sense that I would have then revealed the journey that I’m on. However, it’s a journey that’s mine and mine only…so the biggest measure of accountability I have is to myself.

Frankly, I have no idea who could end up reading what I have here. I only found out recently that a former crush of mine was following me on another blog for the past couple of years. Awkward…yet somewhat gratifying. Ha.

Arguments, people. That’s what I need. Tell me (if you so desire) why you think it might be beneficial to open up to others about my blog. If I’m so compelled…it might just happen.

“Well, that sucks…”

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Those were the first words uttered by me this morning after weighing in for the first time in probably a couple of months, and the first time I’ve recorded my weight since my October 20, 2008 weigh-in. Then, 340 pounds even. Today?

358 pounds.

I’ve gained 18 pounds, and the first thing I have to say about it is, “Well, that sucks.” 

Obviously.

I’m not too shocked by this gain, though I am glad that it is not the entire 30 lbs I had previously lost. Nevertheless, I’d probably be exceptionally upset if the gain was just a few pounds.

In any case, I have been working on some more goals, have talked to my trainer/coach/friend and wife and am ready to get back on the path to success. That kind of sounds cheesy, but hey, it is what it is.

Sorry this is so short, but stay tuned for some new posts!

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